Monday, January 5, 2015

Trying to Get my Happy Back

Here I am, Again. Another New Year, Another try to Get It Right! (Sorry for all the Capitalizations, but I really Must!) It wasn't just the New Year. I don't believe in New Year resolutions. Generally I go through this ritual in September, my Birthday Month. However, today I became aware that a lovely woman out there is Living the Life I have wanted, and doing it well! I am consumed with envy. Nice envy. I don't begrudge her a thing, and am grateful to find I am inspired by this woman's many creations. But she is doing it. I am not. Waves of emotion poured over me as I read her blog entries. I tried to steer my ship, knowing there were the dangers of becoming snagged on the Negatives (No, I will Not list them) and sinking. It has taken many years to allow the negative emotions to just ride out the wave and calm themselves. If I give them undue attention, I may become swamped, and we don't want that! So, I continued skimming her blog, admiring the art, the pictures, the easy way with words and being glad for her. It was hard. There were real tears shed as I navigated the emotional roller coaster of my Despair. It does not do anyone any good to despair, and I try, really hard, to not subcome to the litany of negative descriptions of myself that I find just below the surface of my conscious. OMG! I thought I had dealt with these, soothed their hold on me, and put them to rest. That they have been lurking just out of sight, ready to pounce at the slightest provocation is unnerving. Now that they are unmasked, I realize they have been gathering strength, there in the darkness, out of sight. If I am truthful, I have felt this growing trend toward negativity for some time, but let it slide, because it Was out of sight.
The sudden appearance of these orderly rows of dark energies was startling! In the past, this intrusion would overwhelm me, pull me down, and I might be in that negative space for a time. Knowing I do Not want to go there, I try to just notice their appearance and let them march in their ordered rows, knowing they will be out of sight soon. This is much harder to do, since I am out of practice in the doing. I recognize so many of these dark soldiers, know many of them by name. I know better than to say the name, gritting my teeth and standing firm. "I will not give in, I will not give in," becomes my whispered mantra. The parade marches past, the tail end of it finally out of view. Tears fall from my eyes in gratitude that I escaped the deluge. My mind scrambles to find words and images to replace the vacuum created by this passing, and I turn to the blog, the art, the soothing, cheerful words of this woman I discovered today. Determined to see this through to a positive settlement, I begin by acknowledging her accomplishments. I follow links to see where it started, find delight in the descriptions of her journey and process. I know I would love this woman, would find her a friend if I ever encountered her in the flesh. Her followers are kindred spirits, and I finally rejoice in stumbling into such a gathering of Like Minds. The association of Like Minded Women has been scarse as hens teeth for many years. Too many! I want to jump in and be included in this warm friendship. All I have to do is to allow it. When I bookmark the link, I am filled with expectation, knowing I can find my way back here. Becoming part of the community will take longer. I leave that for another day. Finally, I resurrect my own blog, and write about my process. It is important to note these battles, these experiences that shape my life. Today was a Positive. An Affirmation that I am on My Path, and all is well with the world, for now.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Spring has Sprung!

Olbrich Gardens, Ornamental Cherry trees, photo by John Savino
We had the hot, summer weather. Then it dropped to 40 one day, and we were reminded it is only March. We had a week of high 50's and low 60's. Overnight the grass greened up. On March 28, I caught the first scent of Freshly Mowed Grass, mixed with gasoline from the mower engine. Walking to work, a woman was mowing her lawn!! A few blocks later, there was a man mowing. Wisconsin. March 28. Mowing the Lawn. This is NOT normal, folks. Good, but not normal.
Along with the grass greening up, all the "mock" trees burst into bloom. This is several weeks sooner than I've ever seen it. Once the blooming occurred, it's become cooler. Which is great, as it may make it last a bit longer. Unfortunately, the cooler weather has also included several days of grey, uninteresting skies. I miss the sunshine. Not to worry. The sun will be back Sunday, which I have off. And Monday, which I also have off, will see a return of the heat! So, I'll be walking around drinking in all the Beauty that is Blooming this Spring. Life is Good.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Spring Equinox

Spring has Sprung. Today I was out walking around our neighborhood on the first official day of Spring. It was 81 degrees, but felt wonderful. In the park, at least 40% of the trees have started the blooming process that will result in leaves soon. Many bushes have leaves and blossoms popping out. Soon we won't be able to see into people's yards, because the hedges will have filled in.
The Forsythia is in full blooming color, which is usually the first thing that blooms each Spring. The ground is covered by a variety of blue and purple flowers. They are very small, and I couldn't identify them, but they are beautiful. All this green coming up, accented with color. This is the best Spring I can remember. Mostly that is because it is happening so early. I am Not complaining! Too Happy.
We finished the day sitting in the reclining chairs on the lawn, watching the summer-like clouds float by. Looking at the forecast, this weather is staying for at least 10 more days (as far as I can get the forecast). The temperatures will flocculate, but not drop below the mid 60's during the day. YES!!

Friday, March 16, 2012

bizarre weather

March 8-11 the weather improved every day. We went from the low 60's to the low 70's. It went from being cold at night to merely chilly. The temperatures are traditionally in the low to mid 40's this time of year. And those temps are during the Day! By March 14, we were having summer like weather. Suddenly the parks were full of people biking and skating and running. People were playing soccer and basketball in shorts!!
I walked to work with no jacket whatsoever, and walked home at 11pm in a short sleeve t-shirt and flip flops! The high during the days was the mid to high 70's! and at night it was in the 60's until after midnight! This is weather I could get used to. But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Meanwhile, the daffodils are blooming!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Whether the Weather

We had another storm that covered the trees with snow. It was beautiful. Next day it rained, which melted most of the snow. I was walking to work on cold, but sunny, days. I'd arrive with a cold face, but it was invigorating! Then, in a matter of a couple of days, the temperature went from the mid 30's to the high 40's. By March 7, we were in the 60's! I'm not complaining. I love that things have warmed up, but it does seem a bit weird. Suddenly I had to start looking for lighter clothes. I'm only wearing a jacket to work, not a coat! Wonder if it will last? Probably not. We'll most likely get a blizzard and 20" of snow.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

First (only?) Winter Storm

We have had a couple of snow sprinkles this winter, all less than 2 inches. Yesterday we got an actual storm!
The storm was expected during the day, but didn't begin until about 8pm. By the time I finished work and got outside it was 11pm and the world was beautiful! I wanted to get photos of the perfect outlines of the tree branches, but I don't have the capability to photograph in the dark. By morning, more snow had fallen, and while it was still lovely, there was just a bit too much snow. I took photographs anyway!
These photographs were taken at about 7am. Outside, it was still and cold. I was the first set of tracks through the park. It was an easy walk. Not like last year when we got storms of 8-10 inches with regularity.
I didn't stay out long. The breeze was brisk and my nose was soon chilled. I needed Hot Liquids! Then, I went back to bed, and by the time I got up, most of the snow had fallen off the trees, the branches were bare. Today, we're back to blue skies. There may be 4 inches of snow on the ground, but tomorrow it's going to warm up, and rain is coming. The snow will be gone in a couple of days. Yes, I LOVE this winter!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Winter in Wisconsin 2011-2012

I can honestly say I haven't minded Winter this year! Which is an amazing statement, as I usually hate Winter.But this year, it's been mild. Some people worry about it, but I don't worry about things I have no control over. And I can't control the weather. I can influence the weather. I have Weather Fairy's that will help me from time to time, but I haven't bothered them much lately, as I'm rather satisfied with what's provided.

What has been Wonderful about THIS Winter is how blue the sky has been. Usually Winter is a ubiquitous grey. It makes me SAD with seasonal depression. I'd have to take Vitamin D3, sit under sun lamps, and it didn't really work, just took the edge off. This winter, with the sunshine and blue sky I've been happy, cheerful, content!
Winter this year has come in very small doses. It will be pleasant for days, then give us a brief snow (less than 3" accumulation) and a few days of real cold. Then it goes back to being pleasant. I've been able to walk to work lots of days! I've been outside more this winter than in the previous 8 Winters combined.
The whole country has had unusual weather this Winter. Is it a sign of global warming? long term trends? the end of time? I don't know. All I do know, is I'm enjoying it!

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