Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Time Changes Everything

This morning began in a blissful GirlFest. I took the time to do all the "girly" things that I rarely find time for. It was wonderful to begin my day all buffed and fluffed and manicured. The hubby was still asleep, so I spent some time out on the deck drinking my coffee and enjoying the day. The birds were feeding, the trees were leafing, and I had a big, contented smile on my face.

I spent time planning my garden and the planters for the deck. Normally I just put stuff in, but this year I thought I'd try having a plan. It was back and forth from the garden plot to the patio making notes and little sketches. This made me Very Happy, and I was basking in this feeling of wholeness and wellbeing.

When I came back from my last trip out to the garden, the hubby was awake. "You must have stayed up late," I commented, noting the time. "I didn't get to sleep until 3am. I was listening to Noam Chomsky's FAILED STATE on audible (ipod)."
He proceeds to tell me the highlights of the message and I can feel my well being begin to ebb.

After 30 minutes of discussing the State of the World, my good mood was completely gone. Back is that low grade, nagging feeling of "Somethings not right/good, but I'm not sure what or what to do about it".

I want my contented, peaceful morning mood back. I'll get it back too. But it's going to take some work. Some hard work.

This is something I struggle with quite often. I'm at that point where my deeply held beliefs are in conflict. It's an ongoing process to try to align the various pieces of the puzzle so that the picture they present makes sense to me. Wish me luck.
I'm going to need it.

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