Sunday, November 30, 2008

I Remember...November

November marks two of the most traumatic events of my life. One occurred November 30, 1974 and the other on November 20, 1979.

For many years, as November approached, I went into a depression and from the 20th through the 30th, I could barely function.

But I got tired of being a basket case, and finally began the healing process. Each year the pain was a little more manageable, and after 10 years or so, I thought I was nearly healed.

Then Loren came into my life and stirred the pot. As November rolled around to the 20th, I found myself remembering details that I hadn't remembered in a long time. The tears I cried over this literally burned my skin. Think I was ridding myself of toxic waste. Same thing when we got to the 30th.

This happened for the next few years, but eventually I found that all the hurt had been dealt with. All the negative emotion had been purged. The tears didn't come easily, and they didn't burn.

Then I had a year where I was OK!! The next year, I didn't even notice the dates. November came and went without me having any sort of meltdown. Thanks to Loren "picking my scabs" and reopening the festering wounds, I healed thoroughly.

This year, I found myself thinking of past events, and when I looked at a calendar, it was November 20th! No depression, no real sadness, no tears. Just thoughts. And today, I've just realized is the 30th. I'm good. I'm fine. I survived.

The process was long, and difficult, and sometimes I wondered if I'd survive. Sometimes I didn't want to survive. But I did. And If I can do it....Anyone can!
So now, in November...
I remember.

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